Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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