I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
