No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
