Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
