what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
