he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed