Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample