Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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