I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today