i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I bet he comes in French.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority