i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
