Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
