guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
