You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
