She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
