So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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