We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
