your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
