I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ketchup is God's man juice
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have feelings that need drinking.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
