I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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