you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
