I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
