I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
