I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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