If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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