Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
