I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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