Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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