He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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