Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
