he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
