Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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