Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
