The maid of honor just puked.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
