Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
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I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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