apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
