I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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