dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
