My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
