When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
