so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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