so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
