i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
