break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
