You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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