Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
