i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
