saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You are the jesus of drinking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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