Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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