He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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