You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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