why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i drank out of a bidet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
