Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
