Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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