I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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