I CAN MOONWALK!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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