For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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