so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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