Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
