Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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