Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
