Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
