some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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