I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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