as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
