I want to make a zoo with you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
