you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
