On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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