Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Fuck appropriateness.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
