a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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