Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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