oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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