so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Life is so much better after having sex.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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